Letting Go

I kinda admit LETTING GO is such a hard thing for me to do. I like being comfortable in living with what I am used to like a habit, a solitude knowing, that everything is going to stay as they were though it's not always the case. All those that are alive and has rights, and brains are out of my control. I know that everyone would sympathize with me and would do just the same if they can just stop everything from ceasing or leaving. A thought of something that would soon be out of our sight and company and control is just hard especially when one has envisioned a future with it, be he human, a pet or a state of life. We always say that change is good but when it comes we are afraid to embrace it especially when we don't know what's in it for us or if we will be happy with it especially if it is not something that we want.

Parting ways and being left behind is always a sad thing. Rejection and loneliness would soon take its toll even to the strongest individual.

Something I just read that makes sense. It may or may not help one move on but the hope of being able to let go and be fine again is something each one of us would want. Hoping for it to help you as it has helped me.

Though simple, HOPE is something we could all use... I hope we all would be able to let go.

GIVE IT UP TO THE LORD! By T.. D. Jakes There are people who can walk away from you.. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from usthat it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell yousomething.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'mfaithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ....... LET IT GO!!! If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...... LET IT GO!!! If someone has angered you. LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge..... LET IT GO!!! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... .. LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents LET IT GO!!! If you! u have a bad attitude.... LET IT GO!!! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...... LET IT GO!!! If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......... LET IT GO!!! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. .... LET IT GO!!! If you keep trying to help someone who won't even tryto help themselves.. .... LET IT GO!!! If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............ LET IT GO!!! If there is a particular situation that you are soused to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,'then you need to...... LET IT GO!!! 'The Battle is the LORD's!'

recuperating

Message:
1. Has anyone ever told you you have
pretty eyes?
pretty? ahmmm i think somebody said i look Japanese but then with my eyebags, who would notice?

2. How long have you been breathing?
- 25 years and im tired with it. Can i die already?
.
3. What have you learned lately?
- that my life just wont get better. im just f***ed no matter how good i try to be
.
4. How many pillows do you like to sleep with?
- just one for my head and a blanket please
.
5. Do you like blue cheese?
- i hate cheese... except if theyre on pizza or on cheesecakes
.
6. Do you trust people too easily or not enough?
- you wouldn't believe it, i could even love that easily. when will i ever learn
.
7. What's the color of the soap in your bathroom?
- white
.
8. Do you ever bite your lip?
- yep... it chaps sometimes
.
9. What brand of body lotion do you use?
- i use body oil... locks moisture
.
10. Should country music die?
- ahmmm well, somebody else likes them
.
11. When was the last time you cried?
- like ahmm 2hrs ago
.
12. Are you ticklish?
- on some parts
.
13. Are camera phones worth it?
- hmmm yeah i guess
.
14. Are there too many commercials on tv?
- that's why i dont watch local channels...
.
15. When was the last time someone said something that really bothered you?
- just today, 8am... cried for like an hour after F*CK!

16. Do you have a crazy side?
- i do... you wouldnt wanna see it
.
17. Do you ever keep arguing even when you know you’re wrong?
- i do... i just like to emphasize some points... im great with defending myself
.
18. How did you wear your hair today?
- just rolled out of bed... what is there to look forward to anyway
.
19. Do long distance relationships work?
- some does but relationships just doesnt work for me... it's like im cursed or somethin
.
20. Scuba diving or Skydiving?
- how bout just DYING?
.
21. What do you like people to call you?
- kim

22. Do you put your subject before you type the bulletin or after?
- after
.
23. What are you listening to?
- the birds, now that uve mentioned it i gotta step up my mood before i kill myself
.
24. Is there someone you want to fight?
- just fight? i wanna just strangle him, make him feel the pain i feel... God i wanna die
.
25. Are you missing anyone?
- i shouldn't be. if i do, il die
.
26. What were you doing an hour ago?
- occupying my mind with other stuff to keep my tears from falling. u should see how big my eye bags are
.
27. Are you outgoing?
- yeah... if somebody asks me to go out
.
28. Where do you wish you were right now?
- HELL? yeah... anywhere not to feel this pain right now.
.
29. Who are you currently texting?
- nobody. might as well throw my phone away
.
30. Are you comfortable with answering these personal questions?
- yeah, anything to distract me

31. Have you ever cried and didn't know the reason why?
- i cried just now... i wouldnt wna say why
.
32. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
- i have been for like almost a year till like the msgs came pouring... so F***cked

33. Where was your default picture taken?
- what was my default picture again? i think in MKT! MKT! Makati, some hours after puking in the plane
.
34. What is your favorite color?
- BLACK... it's the color of my soul
.
35. What do you do when you have a bad day?
- i wanna kill myself
.
36. Have you ever visioned your own wedding?
- oh just GET LOST!!!

flashbacks at the appliance shop

A PAIN STRICKEN TRIP TO THE STORE

Before going home, I stopped by the mall to drop my sister’s entries for her wanting to win a new car. Having nothing to do, Marc told me to go window shop for some things at the appliance store. We looked at the coffee makers, laughed at my stupidity as to how a certain fan rotates, and looked at some refrigerators, tried to find one which looked just like the one in my now close friend ex’s kitchen. Marc said some words that made me realized something painful and inevitable. I went on ahead to relieve myself of the pain, trying to pretend that the words didn’t bother me, and looked at some laundry machines trying hard to replace my emotion with the mental picture of my friend’s laundry machine I saw at her home. As I was coping with the pain we went on to the TV’s and looking at the clear, big screens of the LCD TV, scenes of dreams for my life suddenly flashed and took over me.

As the Street Fighter characters simulate a fight before me, my father’s liking for the TV and a dream he told me reminded me of whom he wanted me to be. I remembered him persuade/advise/ask-ing me that I want to become a lawyer someday. I can’t remember what I answered him. Suffering from low self-esteem because of my thin and ugly looks, I think I declined the idea seeing how confident and in the spotlight lawyers were in the movies I saw. Not following my dad’s wish didn’t hurt me at all but not being able to fulfill what I could have become really got to me.

I wanted to leave the place, hating myself for how shallow and simple I took and lived the past twenty five years of my life. I know I have other things to blame for how I turned up to be, but not being strong enough to prove and show the world what I could have become really made me sad. Letting the people that mean most to me down was even more painful. I blamed myself for not knowing how and what life really is. I consider myself quite knowledgeable at school and some things but the knowledge I had back then was just put to waste with the way I think and acted. I wasted my time. I shoved the chance of my becoming something further away and my giving the people I love the things they really need and dream and want.

Eating one of my favorite food didn’t help take my mind of what happened at the store. My insides cried for that which I wasted and neglected. What he said and what I realized inside justified the fact that it is I alone who holds the key to my happiness and my need for self importance. Going to the store didn’t just made me sad and realize where I am now, financially. It made me realize how much time, effort and emotion I wasted with what I did and with what I still do now. I know I need to act if I want to fulfill that which I dream but the pain has taken over me and sometimes it leaves me sleepless and crying in the night. Emptiness, betrayal, and hopelessness overwhelm me and my emotions hinder me to do something about all these things for now…

Saturday, September 6, 2008

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

friends with benefits:

1. Two fairly close, or very close friends have the hots for one another. they do have some sort caring for one another, but it is not one of a romantic couple.a man and a woman who don't enjoy commitment like to fool around with one another because they find each other attractive.
2. This is another word for a Booty Call. Usually 1 person ends up getting hurt (the female) because her feelings become involved. Its rare for the man to get hurt because most men dont confuse feelings with sex like us women do. If you think you can accept this type of relationship thinking it will evolve into something more later, you are wrong! Expect alot of CLOSING TIME calls. That means the bar is closed and he didnt find anything better so he calls you for booty.
3. A safe relationship, that mimics a real partnership but is void or greatly laking jealousy and other such emotions that come with a serious relationship.
8. A physically involved relationship, where both partners enjoy some comforts of sitting on the fence between serious relationship and simple friendship.
9. Any realtionship that can only be catagorized as being between Friends and Partners, also refered to as More then friendsTwo people break up over complictaions of a serious relationship and decide to continue their relationship a step down, but not far enough as to have physical bounderies.
10. friends with benefits When men only want sex and don't want to commit to the woman they're having it with.

She's good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be my
girlfriend. Therefore, we are friends with benefits.

>> Some stuff i collected about FWB's way back June 10, 2005. Why was i interested in finding out what it really is? I don't really know, I can't really remember what I was thinking or what felt when I looked it up. All I know is that I've been into this kind of relationship.

Yep, most of it or the top reason for having it is because of SEX, the chemistry. The commitment, I don't really know what's the reason behind it but for me, the reason was not entirely on sex. I wasn't ready for the relationship because there was someone else I really love, and was hoping to finally fullfill or realize the 5years of loving the person. The formality of the BF-GF thing.

I'm not really stressing on the sex here, but the reason or something to say defend the dirty impression people will think once they know I've been into one. (i mean 'em it was more than one). Oh well, I've my reason, and that was what i stated above and aside from that, I was looking for the affection, the person (i mentioned above) couldn't give to me. I mean I was in love, and I was hoping (turned out to be false hopes) that "mag-KAMI". I refer to this person as the "LOVE OF MY LIFE" that's why I couldn't give in to the BF-GF relationship my FWB's asked of me.

Two of the FWB's I've had was just more on the sex, but one, flourished... It grew to something else, LOVE(?) Well it was, budding, starting love, if only I've realized it sooner, well, it would have made it to us. The other one, was just ALL FOR SEX. We just couldn't resist each other, as in the chemistry's way too strong too fight. Did it grew to something else? I don't really know, maybe its in the process but since I haven't been seeing the guy for some time, I couldn't really weigh if it made it to something else...

But see, the real benefit here, the real benefit that I saw was that there is SOMEONE you could run to. Someone you could tell EVERYTHING. Your feelings, the people you've been with or even tell bout your SO or someone you really really love (someone who means the world to you), or your crush, or someone you like... Because there really are some things you have to keep from your SO esp if its about someone else (you do get tempted or face it, your just human, your bound to be attracted to someone other than your SO, worse even have a relationship other than your SO) because you don't want to loose em or that you are afraid they'll retaliate, or that they'll hate you(believe me they will, only a chosen few wont and will forgive you). They will get hurt, they won't listen, you won't be able to really tell them the story behind it and it'll just lead to more confusion and stuff.

That's the real benefit behind it. You'll reveal your every all and you'll feel good and be thankful that they'll understand. BUT, then the problem starts there too. You'll then begin to admire your FWB for understanding, for listening and he'll admire you and realize that you're something so then you fall in love. Then you'll be beating around the bush (as to what i stated above) You then won't be able to tell this FWB everything because they'll get hurt, because you'll want em to love you or have a relationship with em. He'll then start telling you not to do this and stuff, not to see this person, that he should be the only person you'll see blah blah blah...

i don't really know how to end this, i just want to keep on talking but it'll just end up too long to read. So I'll leave you with this, If ever you want to be in a FWB situation, think about it, or don't think, just imagine what confusion you'll be in. Oh well, its your life and whatever will do for a person...

Im just sharing some views, and some tips.. A listening ear and a open mind works really good. The ears are made to listen, so do just that and don't let everything you hear come out your mouth. You'll never know and understand the real story unless you finish it, all sides of it...
Life, its just one of the many complications of life =)

MUST LOVE DOGS

MUST LOVE DOGS
A movie bout my life? Hahaha I wish i was that important that they'd make a movie outta me but hey, it still is kinda me.And why I watched it? Well, my officemates told me to watch it. I could very well relate to the story DAW! And since i haven't been in moviehouses for a while, i did just what they wished. Saw it, had a date with ma self...
And mahn, was i touched!Wow! It really was me, and i did have that very same views as the lead actress (Diane Lane) portrayed. I did those stuff, except for that pretend to be someone else, photoshop bods or pics and claim to be someone i'm not thing. I did advertise myself over some chatroom o'er cable before. But I didn't like described myself. For fun purposes only. Meet someone, make new friends, and acquaint old friends (since I've been chatting there since it started, was one of em prominent chatters)
I mean, does that really depict desperateness? Was I desperate? I might've been. I mean can't it just directly imply that the advertiser just wants SOMEONE to LOVE and do those romantic stuff with?
Why does people use it to lure someone just to cheat on him/her or just PLAY(?) And why do people have to LIE especially on those small stuff? Small but weighs great stuff(?) especially on the first date? That's the time you lay your cards, show you cards...Why are they having a hard time? Why is it so difficult for them to be just their real selves?
Sigh... I just can't understand people sometimes. Why complicate something that is so simple. They just make life a lot harder...
Especially those good looking once. Just watched Average Joe last weekend and tears just fell down me eyes. I knew just how the girl felt. I was in his shoes far too many times.
I know there are people who've said that I caused my own hurt too. Why? Hmmm maybe because I choose to love good looking people? Hmmm PROBABLY but they did forgot the fact that they were the ones who hurt me. I only gave them the chance to be with me, and spend time with me.
It was their fault for saying such wonderful things bout themselves. Things that you want to hear, things that you were looking for, and well, as the girl in the show did say, "That's the risk you take with good looking people. They're smooth and you believe em and you get hurt...."
Sigh... CRUEL, CRUEL WORLD...I just love it here... Actually, i don't have a choice...MARS anyone?

WHITE WATER TUBING

My white water rafting/tubing experience was a BLAST! It was so much fun.. I was screaming, laughing, everything!The water was great, though it was BROWN coz of the rains. I mean we've to do it, a NOW or NEVER situation so would I let it PASS?!? "NO WAY!!!" It's not everyday you'd get to experience or be in an adventure with your friends...
So last Saturday (September 10, 2005)

Still editing... =)

pictures in progress....